I have a real problem, but I think I’m getting over it.
Today I spoke with someone who acted like she was mad at me. (The horror!) For some unknown reason this person has acted mad at me, and she has insinuated that I am not doing my job correctly for the past couple of weeks. This is someone that I barely know. She is not in authority over me in any way. Yet, it has made me a little crazy.
I have found myself thinking, “Why is she mad at me? What have I done wrong? Why does she think that I am not a good teacher? What have I done wrong? How can I explain myself? What can I do to improve her impression of me? What do I need to do to make her like me?” When I write emails to this person, I find myself over-explaining my decisions and adding all sorts of little emoticons to make her think I’m light-hearted and nice and only have good feelings toward her. It’s embarrassing.
Why am I making myself crazy over someone I barely know who has no authority over me?
Why do I feel the need for everyone to like me? I seriously need to LET IT GO!
So today, I was kind to this person. I sent this person a polite email, but with no emoticons. From now on I’ll be saving my emoticons for people who like me 😉 I did not bother to explain myself or my decisions. I just basically said – this is how I do it. (In my mind I thought, “Deal with it.” But I didn’t say that aloud.)
And you know what, she was nice and kind back to me. Hmmmm . . . strange.
I feel liberated. I am not going to let thoughts about why someone doesn’t like me to control me any longer! Phew, I feel like I’ve been to a therapy session.